One of the most bizarre social occurrences that I have observed as I have become an adult is that unless one has a specific social group to which one belongs it's really hard to make friends.
Obviously, there are adults of similar levels of intelligence that one interacts with at one's workplace, if applicable.
But what about those who are unemployed? And especially those who are unemployed and not not religious? Nor civically inclined?
I have a friend who had a job and was laid off. She isn't religious and has limited interest in civic engagement. She lived in LA for a whole year before I came to school and she volunteered with two groups. But both of these groups are rather insular in nature and she didn't feel like she could really fit in.
Another friend is highly accomplished and independently wealthy, but has to take care of her mother who has health issues. She lives up in wine country, ie northern California, and has to drive into the city to get social interaction.
On the other hand, I feel very fortunate to have made great friends while attending grad school. I've also made some good friends at my internship.
Making friends is something that we do naturally as children. But as we become adults the social opportunities become more limited. And finding ways to make new ones sometimes feels like building a working spaceship only from parts purchasable at Home Depot.
Helping my point is a clip from the Big Bang Theory.
The brilliant, but socially inept, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, on CBS's the Big Bang Theory wants to endear himself to a colleague who has access to a super cool microscope or particle collider or something physicists lust after. But his colleague rebuffs his advances. Undeterred, Sheldon is determined to turn a colleague into a friend. Seeking advice, he sought out advice at the local children's bookstore. Enjoy!
I wrote a paper for my History of Urban Planning about the loss of thirdspace. My thesis stated that as people were able to afford single family homes their social lives became more and more focused within the home instead of exterior. One need only look at the ever-expanding home entertainment section of Best Buy to see this is true.
This argument fits well within the paradigm of suburbia. But what about in a big city? While the burden ultimately lies within each one of us to find and make friends it helps if there are public spaces for us to bump into people and to make connections.
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