Well, you want to know about me? And how I see the world? Then read Next Stop, Reloville by Peter T. Kilborn. The excellent book grew out of an article Mr. Kilborn wrote for the NYT entitled, "The 5-Bedroom, 6-Figure Rootless Lifestyle," which my dad posted on his blog, and which I ate up.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C0DE6D61F39F932A35755C0A9639C8B63
So one can imagine my surprise and delight to discover that Mr. Kilborn had written a book on the subject.
I tore through it engulfing it in a few days (one of the perks of a long bus ride to my internship at the City of Los Angeles)
Mr. Kilborn is officially next to David Brooks, author of Bobos in Paradise and On Paradise Drive, both highly recommended not only for their incisive social commentary, but also their fantastic humor (when I speak in the plural I mean Kilborn and Brooks and Brooks' work.)
KIlborn is a (retired) journalist by trade and it shows in his writing style. Each chapter reads like a very short story (or a long newspaper article, depending on your POV) focused on a theme- relo spouses, corporate recruiting, etc., and a family (or several families.) A highly skilled journalist he seeks out viewpoints from a variety of what he calls "relos," or people whose career advancement is dictated by moving around the country (see also definition of the Mech family, i.e., my family)
There are some families that have very young children, some families with pre-teen or teenage children, a few career relos, and a couple retired or empty nesters. He is also diligent in not just highlighting the soccer mom types (like the Link family in the NYT article, who are also the first chapter of the book), but also the families that have travelled overseas, the kids who thrive on moving, the families on a verge of divorce due to so many stressful moves, the man who lost custody of his daughters due to his desire to move higher up on the career ladder, and the people who seem almost insatiable in their desire to do just a little better, to have a little bit more of the fat money cake.
It's interesting that I felt such relief that there were other people who went through the same thing as me- whenever I moved I was always "the new kid" and some years, the only new kid. Yet I also felt incredibly alone. I suppose it was dredging up old memories and old heartache, the process of starting over, again, of putting yourself out there, trying to make connections with people.
Kilborn makes an excellent point saying that "The Yons' roots are their kids and their memories." (Kilborn, 130)
If you asked my parents, where is home? They may say Wausau, WI, where they have a lot of friends and family, but they haven't lived there in 10 years, they may be at a loss. They've moved several times since I moved out and even since my brother moved out four years after me. Each move I always feel chips away at one's sense of permanence and belonging to one particular place.
However, as Kilborn points out, family relos, are often examples of a by-gone era- the nuclear family- complete with breadwinner dad, stay-at-home mom (for many relo spouses due to their partners' constant relocation it is very difficult to try to establish a career so many raise their children but do not hold down a monetary-based job), and often several children.
When people ask me what is it like? I tell them that it is very freeing not to be tied to any one place, never leaving, never exploring the world because you are stuck in your microcosm. At the same time it's very hard to answer "where are you from?" Because I don't really have a place called home. At school I now tell people that I'm from Chicago. But when I go back to Chicago it doesn't feel like home anymore even though I moved away only two years ago. So much has changed in the Windy City, the rhythm is different and I can't catch the beat.
I'd like to say that Charlotte feels like a spiritual home, but then people might ask me about specific places there that I like and how are the people and I'd only get flustered and have to correct them that I'm never lived there properly. It just feels like home.
It also saddened me that so many families buy bigger and bigger houses as a substitute form of comfort. But that people buy cookie-cutter homes because it's really easy to resell a brand-new cookie cutter rather than an older home, which has more "character." Just ask my mom, she'll tell ya. And that these people feel as alienated as I did, but the nature of their job dictates constant relocation, but guidance on how to make even short-term friends is non-existent.
But like Evita Peron said in the musical, "Evita," "Don't cry for me [Argentina]" Moving around has been very freeing as I said above. I've been able to really get to know different places in the U.S., meet new people, learn about new cultures and values, and these experiences have made me who I am.
Given the choice, I may not have moved some places at some times, but other experiences I wouldn't change for the world. That may not answer my friend's question in its entirety, but it sure is a place to start. Being a relo kid is definitely a big chunk of who I am.
Also, Kilborn's book is so good I snapped up a copy on Amazon, partially to pass on to my parents, partially because highlighting library books is frowned upon. :)
